Single at 31…

Posted by on Aug 4, 2016 in Very Important Stuff | No Comments


I know exactly what you’re thinking; He’s a great dad, seems to have his shit together, looks like Titanic Leo but with Matthew McConaughey’s body, and she left him…man he must be shit in bed.

 It must have been only 6 months ago that I stated to Kristina how horrible it would be to be single these days (whoops must have planted a seed). It was easy when I was younger, if you liked a girl you put her in your Myspace top 8 and a week later she was your girlfriend. Now apparently I’m going to have to learn how to swipe left and right in order to find a suitable mate…but then we have to think about catfish. I’ve seen the show, like one minute I’m talking to Rebecca from Cannon Hill who works at a local factory making ceramic ashtrays for underprivileged children, but when we meet up for a drink Bruce the 41 year old warehouse manager from JB Hifi Chermside is sorry for lying to me but really feels like we had a connection…which is confusing because I felt it too Bruce.

Actually the truth is there is a 0% chance of me hitting up Tinder, but there is so much about being single at 31 with 2 kids that scares the shit out of me. I think the most important attribute I’m looking for right now is poor literacy skills, because realistically if they can/have read this blog they are going to know way too much about me for their own good. Can you imagine how some of the conversations would go during the initial stages of dating? They’ll be in the shower while I’m brushing my teeth staring at them intently, and suddenly they pipe up with “hehe, remember how you used to do this with your ex-wife”…fuck Bruce I thought you said you’d never read the blog!

I think my biggest fears are based around the children, which I’m sure is normal. Being married to someone that shares the identical opinion to you about raising kids means that if someone’s opinion differs to mine I will struggle. Like on a first date is it acceptable to ask someone to discuss in depth whether they think that vaccines and the rise of autism are related? I know a lot of people think Pauline Hanson is a lunatic for some of her ideas but am I crazy for wanting anti-vaxers to all wear matching t-shirts so that I know to run in the opposite direction? Or what if one day we have a son and she wants to remove part of his genitals for aesthetics? Please…most of my length is foreskin, don’t take that away from a boy. Ok…I agree that the image of a penis that is predominantly foreskin is a rough one, I apologise for painting that picture. But what if they believe in god? What if they don’t think Friends is funny?? WHAT IF THEY THINK JOHN FARNHAM IS SHIT???

Obviously all of these fears are ridiculous, I have been single before and if you disagree about such major issues as John Farnham’s talent it’s highly unlikely that the rest of your personalities are going to be compatible enough to even get to the point of needing these conversations.

This is a short post, realistically something I wanted to do to rip the bandaid off as I was questioning how to approach the blog now that things are different. Writing honestly about my life has always come easy for me though and more than ever I wish to continue doing so. People write really nice things to me online checking or questioning if I am doing fine, and the truth is I am. I have always been good at putting things into perspective; I have 2 healthy children and a great friend in their mother. My friends and family have been the most incredible support system and to be totally honest, I feel that life is still fantastic.

Thanks for sticking around x

#ChildsVsTheWorld ; )

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